~ React less. Respond more. (the "act 35" mindset) ~
For years I was the quiet one. People said things, sometimes harsh, sometimes wrong, and I didn't react. I listened for the most part and wouldn't say much. No anger. No defense. Just… absorb, process, move on.
Not because I was a saint. In my early days, everyone around me seemed experienced. I was learning, curious, and a little powerless, honestly. When you're new, humility is easy, maybe because it's the only option.
Then experience piled up. Opinions started to matter too much. Every comment felt like a verdict. Slowly the ego sneaks in. You start reacting. Fast. Sharp. Loud. And you don’t even notice when the switch flips.
Over time I learned (again): not every opinion matters. People will keep changing their opinions about you. Most things don't deserve your nervous system. There's a difference between a reaction and a response.
– Reaction = instant + ego
– Response = pause + values (the values you operate from)
One piece of advice I carry: “Act like you're 35.”
– If you're 22 and just starting, act 35: calm, curious, grounded.
– If you're 45 or 50 and triggered, act 35: still curious, still humble.
35 is the shorthand for balanced: childlike eyes, adult spine.
On the chart you'll see a small band where most of us cross over to respond >= react: roughly 12–14 years of experience (that's the "age 35" vibe if you started around 22). By then you know enough, but not everything (none of us will). Every dozen years or so, life shifts again and we relearn the basics.
SO MY RULE OF THUMB:
Whatever your actual age or experience, act like you're in that 12 – 14 YOE window, around age 35. Same childishness, newfound maturity. Haven’t learned to dance fully; haven't forgotten how to, either.
FOR JUNIORS, COLLEGE GRADS, AND FRESHERS:
You don’t need to wait 12 – 14 YOE to practice this. If you feel like reacting, borrow the mindset of your 35-year-old self, then respond.
WHAT HELPS ME NOW:
– Listen fully; don't load the reply while they're talking.
– One breath before speaking; one night before sending the hard email.
– Ask: what is true? what will still matter next week?
– Choose language that builds, not "wins."
– Keep the curiosity, lose the defensiveness.
I am still learning. I still slip. But these days I try less to win the moment and more to honor the long game.
React less. Respond more. What do you think about this "act 35" mindset?
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